Friday, June 27, 2008

TGIF: Jokes about Jesuits

A Franciscan, and Dominican, and a Jesuit were out playing golf one day. They were moving along the course quite well, until they got stuck behind a group of golfers who were taking quite a long time and weren't letting anyone else play through. Feeling a little frustrated, the three went up to the head of the group and asked what was going on. He told the three priests that they were part of a special program that allowed the blind to play golf.

After a few moments, the Franciscan praised this display of generosity. He apologized for being so pushy, and announced that he was so impressed by this example of service that he would incorporate it into his own prayer and service to the poor. The Dominican, too, was touched by their example, and declared that he would use this display of service in his preaching.

The Jesuit, finally, took the fellow aside and asked, "Can't they play at night?"

**

A Franciscan, a Dominican and a Jesuit are driving along on the way to a mass when suddenly they are blindsided by a truck and killed instantly. At the gates of Heaven, they are met by Peter, who welcomes them each one at at time. Upon meeting the Franciscan he shakes his hand, gives him a key to his room, and sends him in through an old, worn gate off to the side of the Pearly Gates themselves. Likewise, upon meeting the Dominican he gives him a pat on the back, hands him his key, and sends him off through the old, side gate.

When he meets the Jesuit, however, he blows a whistle and suddenly hordes of cheering people pour through the main, pearly gates. They literally throw the Jesuit up on to their shoulders and whisk him away through the main gates to his new home, which Peter informs him is a palatial mansion near the heavenly choir.

Having witnessed this, the Dominican and Franciscan return to Peter and ask for some explanation. "What's the meaning of this?" they asked. "When we came in you gave us a key like we were headed to some fleabag motel and sent us in through what looks to be the back door, but then this Jesuit shows up and you treat him like royalty!"

Peter's face fell. "Oh my, I'm sorry, you completely misunderstand. We're thrilled to have you here, absolutely thrilled. But Franciscans and Dominicans arrive here often. We almost never see Jesuits!"

**

Frank Jones goes to a Franciscan brother and asks him to pray a novena that he can get a Lexus. "What's a Lexus?", the Franciscan asks. "It's a luxury car." "Oh," says the Franciscan, "I'm sorry, I can't pray a novena for such a worldly intention."

So Frank goes to a Dominican brother and asks him to pray a novena that he can get a Lexus. The Dominican asks, "What's a Lexus?" But when Frank explains, "It's a luxury car," the Dominican also declines to pray the novena for such a worldly intention.

So Frank goes to a Jesuit priest and asks him to pray a novena that he can get a Lexus. And the Jesuit asks "what's a novena?"

**

Mrs. Potter asks her Jesuit pastor to explain how obedience works. "Well," says Fr. Rendezzi, SJ, "The Jesuit tells our superiors what he wants, and then they let him do it."

Mrs. Potter gave this a little think. "What happens if the man doesn't know what he wants?"

"Oh," said Fr. Rendezzi, "In that case they make him the superior."

**

And finally, a wicked, wicked piece of Australian satire floating around the internet about the upcoming Sydney World Youth Day:

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