Friday, April 1, 2016

Pope Officially Condemns Time Travel

Responding to the recent announcement of Oklahoma Archbishop Lapus Lazuli that he will attempt to travel back in time to “a better past”, Pope Francis today issued a statement denouncing time travel. “All around us are people in desperate need,” the Pope told the gathered press. “Christians in search of work should look to the present.”

Lazuli, one-time archbishop in Oklahoma City currently in residence in Naples, Florida, has become known in recent years for his comments about the virtues of the past.  “We talk of it as though it’s another world, but the era of Fulton Sheen, ‘Leave it to Beaver’ and the papal tiara is still within our reach,” he said at Mass on Easter Sunday.

“That’s the resurrection we should be fighting for.”


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