In a speech today on the campaign trail GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump announced that in fact he is not an actual person, but rather “a mass delusion brought on by you low-energy clowns”.
“You haters don’t like me? Then how about you stop talking about me and let me disappear,” Trump exclaimed. “Seriously, think about the things I’m saying. They’re terrific, I know, I’m super classy, but do they make any sense? Any sense at all?
“Of course not, because they’re just your fears. I am a projection of your worst anxieties. That’s why I have this hair. “
“Try it, losers,” Trump said to his adoring supporters. “Think of something else for a change. Even just for a second. Watch me vanish. Trust me, it’ll be huge.”
The room then erupted as hundreds of people shouted their refusals to stop thinking about Trump. “We love you Donald.” “You’re real to me.” “I love being afraid.”
Eventually Trump gave in and quieted the crowd with his impossibly small hands. “You guys, you’re real bunch of head cases, you know that?”
He shrugged, smiling. “It’s great. Really great.“